Exactly a week ago, I sat restless on a speedy jet,
heading for Johannesburg, in the fourth hour of what would be a 32-hour trek
back up and across the world to get back to my favorite place on Earth—home.
Was my 32-hour odyssey all fun and games? OF COURSE NOT.
There was the dressing disaster, in which South Africa’s TSA agents made me
pour my tiny plastic container of balsamic all over my steak salad because, ya
know, no liquids. There was the TV terror, reminiscent of the flight to South Africa, in which my TV and the
TV of the fellow next to me (did I just use the word fellow…?) completely broke
one hour in to our sixteen hour flight. It got fixed, but I was frightened for
a good half hour. And finally, the crying calamity, in which I sobbed openly at
the JetBlue check-in counter at JFK airport, changing my flight to three hours
EARLIER in order to surprise my family.
Yes, I flew into LAX at 2 PM instead of Long Beach at 5
PM so that my grandmother could pick me up and shuttle me to my parents and
sisters in order to shock and please them. While there weren’t any immediate
tears (direct quote from Sierra: “what are you
doing here?”), emotions began to flow a little later after the reality of
my presence sunk in.
It’s been a week of dogs, family time, unbelievable food,
and relaxation. The normalcy of being home makes me feel as though these past
four months were a blurry, hard-to-grasp dream. Was I really in India? Did I actually
see Iguassu? It seems absolutely unbelievable, and my ease in settling back
in to my old routine sometimes eclipses the emotional, physical, mental journey
I’ve undertaken.
But there are moments that remind me of my transformation
and of my new world outlook and experience. My ability to have a frank and
educated conversation about my best friend’s grandmother’s homeland (India),
and the differences between Delhi, Mumbai, and Ahmedabad. My impassioned
defenses of a black township a few miles outside of Cape Town, and my own
observations of systemic racism in South Africa. My flashbacks to Sao Paulo,
and the gorgeous sunsets and sunrises, as well as the stunning physical beauty of
Brazil.
Adults and peers look at me differently; I’m a little
more respected, and they’re a little more attentive. It’s exciting, as I love
that I can speak about issues, circumstances, locales, and ideas that are
important to me, and people will really listen.
But it’s also stressful—do I actually even know
that much? Am I a fraud? I find myself picking and choosing my battles,
attempting to discern which statements I should defend, in which instances I
should remain silent, because maybe I’m wrong. I need to work on engaging in
conversations and accepting that I may have a long debate and either fail to
convince my listener or fail to make my argument effectively—and that’s okay. It’s
about learning and trying and, yeah, failing every once in a while. I’ll figure
it out soon.
Honestly, though, I’m just enjoying being back with the people
whom I love the most, in the place I love most. I am using every moment to
appreciate the blessings that I have, especially those which I have recently
realized are utter blessings (i.e. flushing toilet paper). I haven’t quite
figured out yet how I’m going to utilize everything I’ve seen and heard and
learned, but I know I won’t forget it. And I think (I hope) that it’s already
made me a better daughter, friend, world citizen, individual. I think that I
can say with confidence that I must be the luckiest person in the world.
But hey—that’s about enough for now. Depending on how
exciting my summer is, I may be posting more about my adventures over the next
few months in a rather surprising place: Montana! I’ll be interning with a
judge in Billings for all of June and July, and I’m hoping to take a few road
trips through the mountain states with my favorite companion--Socks, the sassy
but sweet ten-year-old daschund-chihuahua mix.
Thank you so, so much for reading over the last four
months, and thank you for laughing with (at) me, crying with me, and living my
journey with me. I’ll be back soon!
With all of the love in my wanderlusting heart,
Aubrey Stoddard
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