Home Sweet Home

Exactly a week ago, I sat restless on a speedy jet, heading for Johannesburg, in the fourth hour of what would be a 32-hour trek back up and across the world to get back to my favorite place on Earth—home.

Was my 32-hour odyssey all fun and games? OF COURSE NOT. There was the dressing disaster, in which South Africa’s TSA agents made me pour my tiny plastic container of balsamic all over my steak salad because, ya know, no liquids. There was the TV terror, reminiscent of the flight to South Africa, in which my TV and the TV of the fellow next to me (did I just use the word fellow…?) completely broke one hour in to our sixteen hour flight. It got fixed, but I was frightened for a good half hour. And finally, the crying calamity, in which I sobbed openly at the JetBlue check-in counter at JFK airport, changing my flight to three hours EARLIER in order to surprise my family.

Yes, I flew into LAX at 2 PM instead of Long Beach at 5 PM so that my grandmother could pick me up and shuttle me to my parents and sisters in order to shock and please them. While there weren’t any immediate tears (direct quote from Sierra: “what are you doing here?”), emotions began to flow a little later after the reality of my presence sunk in.

It’s been a week of dogs, family time, unbelievable food, and relaxation. The normalcy of being home makes me feel as though these past four months were a blurry, hard-to-grasp dream. Was I really in India? Did I actually see Iguassu? It seems absolutely unbelievable, and my ease in settling back in to my old routine sometimes eclipses the emotional, physical, mental journey I’ve undertaken.

But there are moments that remind me of my transformation and of my new world outlook and experience. My ability to have a frank and educated conversation about my best friend’s grandmother’s homeland (India), and the differences between Delhi, Mumbai, and Ahmedabad. My impassioned defenses of a black township a few miles outside of Cape Town, and my own observations of systemic racism in South Africa. My flashbacks to Sao Paulo, and the gorgeous sunsets and sunrises, as well as the stunning physical beauty of Brazil.

Adults and peers look at me differently; I’m a little more respected, and they’re a little more attentive. It’s exciting, as I love that I can speak about issues, circumstances, locales, and ideas that are important to me, and people will really listen. But it’s also stressful—do I actually even know that much? Am I a fraud? I find myself picking and choosing my battles, attempting to discern which statements I should defend, in which instances I should remain silent, because maybe I’m wrong. I need to work on engaging in conversations and accepting that I may have a long debate and either fail to convince my listener or fail to make my argument effectively—and that’s okay. It’s about learning and trying and, yeah, failing every once in a while. I’ll figure it out soon.

Honestly, though, I’m just enjoying being back with the people whom I love the most, in the place I love most. I am using every moment to appreciate the blessings that I have, especially those which I have recently realized are utter blessings (i.e. flushing toilet paper). I haven’t quite figured out yet how I’m going to utilize everything I’ve seen and heard and learned, but I know I won’t forget it. And I think (I hope) that it’s already made me a better daughter, friend, world citizen, individual. I think that I can say with confidence that I must be the luckiest person in the world.

But hey—that’s about enough for now. Depending on how exciting my summer is, I may be posting more about my adventures over the next few months in a rather surprising place: Montana! I’ll be interning with a judge in Billings for all of June and July, and I’m hoping to take a few road trips through the mountain states with my favorite companion--Socks, the sassy but sweet ten-year-old daschund-chihuahua mix.

Thank you so, so much for reading over the last four months, and thank you for laughing with (at) me, crying with me, and living my journey with me. I’ll be back soon!

With all of the love in my wanderlusting heart,

Aubrey Stoddard